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Losing my way

In the past few months, I’ve been the most impatient I’ve ever known myself to be.

And I’ve always known I can be pretty darn impatient.

It all started back in March, when I was a few weeks away from a trip back up the East Coast with my mum and sister.

I had booked my flight to Sydney, got some new clothes and thought about how excited I was to see some of my family again after six months.

But time dragged, and I mean it REALLY took its time. One week would seem like a decade and the more I thought about getting away, the lonelier and more frustrated I got.

I would ask myself: “Why am I wishing time away?” and feel instantly guilty about being here in Australia and feeling this way.

I was told that I shouldn’t waste time being sad, keep myself busy and to remember that I’m on the trip of a lifetime in a spectacular place.

But does being on this trip mean that I automatically cannot feel down or fed up? Where is the line between feeling fortunate and lying to myself?

Surely, it’s perfectly OK that, even when travelling, I will still have my bad days (or weeks)?

I’m the kind of person who believes in expressing my emotions and that it’s better to deal with them than push them away. If I feel sad or down, I usually just go with it, talk about it or let it ride out.

It doesn’t matter where I am, it’s more about who I’m with.

So after my trip with my family and returning to Melbourne (heartbroken from saying goodbye), I found myself alone again faced with the reality of three more months of working and saving.

I don’t want to sugar coat it…Some days were really hard and I felt like giving up.

But I think it’s important to add that all of this is not to say that things have gone badly for me. In fact, I will always feel grateful for how amazingly lucky I’ve been here.

Over the last six months, I’ve had somewhere amazing to live and managed to get a great job. I’ve gone exploring all over Melbourne, met fantastic new people, road-tripped along Great Ocean Road and eaten some beautiful food.

And those are only some of the highlights!

So overall, things have improved and looking back, this whole experience has given me a new perspective on what really makes me happy…

Love, laughter and adventure.

I know these things sound like a cliche. But I now know that my impatience, my upset and the nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach was from not having these three in my life.

Now, with three weeks before I leave for Western Aus, I’ve made new friends, booked the next leg of my travels and seem to be much more settled in myself (thank goodness).

Looking back now, a lot has changed for me since I first stepped off the coach into Melbourne in December. It’s been a roller coaster but a chance to survive and cope on my own.

The realisation of how low my savings were and how much I needed a job at that point threw me into the thick of it.

And despite my efforts at the time, I was naive to think it would be simple to get a job in a competitive city that I didn’t know very well.

But you know what? I’ve fought my way through and lived and worked in another country which is an experience I’ve always wanted to try.

I’ve stuck it out so I’m pretty proud of myself.

I guess I lost touch with what I was doing in Aus and why fate has lead me here. I let the mundane things in life take over and stress me out.

I forgot to keep my end goal and my dream at the front of my mind.

I lost my way for a while but I’m OK with that.

Photo credit: J, 2011. Source link here.

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